Today’s entry is going to be a brief one for two reasons: I overdid it yesterday and I’m not emotionally up to very much right now.
The many things I overdid
Yesterday I managed to do most of what was on my ‘to do’ list but I had to neglect the self-care stuff (the shower, the facemask, painting my nails… very telling eh?) because I forgot that Cat and I had to move all of our upstairs furniture around to accommodate more ingoing floors.
I was on my feet for most of yesterday between doing the dishes, cleaning the rabbit room and moving the furniture, so today my body is absolutely wrecked; my head aches and I’m so nauseous I think I might vomit. The floors look amazing though.
So unfortunately I’ve had to put aside today’s ‘to do’ list and just rest. I guess that’s not the end of the world; I’m supposed to be using this time to rest, but I guess in my head I also wanted to use it to get back on my feet practically speaking. I am catching up on the laundry and the dishes, but today is going to set me back and I should really try to learn from that. Ping-ponging back and forth energy-wise is no good for anyone.
Feeling fragile
And on the second point, my emotions are a bit fragile today. I was watching She-Ra and the Princesses of Power and I cried at Glimmer’s coronation episode, which should have been an indictor that I’m not doing so well. But also, I’m listening to the latest podcast by my favourite online duo, Allison Raskin (she/her) and Gaby Dunne (they/them), and I’ve learned three things from it that have me a bit frazzled.
- I need to work on my relationship with my body
- I should consider looking into trauma therapy and
- I’m not sure if I have epilepsy after all.
About that last thing...
My epilepsy has always been a bit of a question mark.
When the neurologist gave me the diagnosis, he said that he had never known anyone to have this ‘type’ of epilepsy before. In fact, he was surprised when an EEG ruled it in. I was never so sure, and nor was my mother.
You see, during that EEG I had a coughing fit which I suspect may have skewed the results. I never fought it because obviously I’m not the professional, but I have heard a few accounts of derealisation lately, and they’re identical to the experiences I had which led to my epilepsy diagnosis. Also, my mother, a trained psychologist, told me recently that it’s possible the irregularities in my brainwaves during the EEG may not have indicated epilepsy, but instead, trauma.
So… my brain is a little swirly right now and I have some thinking to do. And research. Lots of research.
For now though, I’m going to put my brain to rest and hope that tomorrow is better.
