Part of a series by mental health writer and Dear Blue Author, Saoirse Schad: pink and purple flowers between the pages of a hardbound book.

My ending needs work

I’m still deep in revisions and I’ve just discovered that my ending falls a bit flat.

Where is my time going?

I wish I could tell you that I’ve made significant progress since my last blog about revisions, I really do. The truth is I’m finding it much more difficult than I expected, both emotionally and just in terms of finding the time.

I can’t even really identify where my time goes. I’m not losing nearly as much time to sick spells. I’ve stopped my bad habit of Netflix binges during work hours. I’m not generally sleeping in too late. But my time just disappears like sand through an hourglass.

I think, as much as my time is mysteriously lacking, so is my energy.

This came to my attention over the weekend. I had planned to have a very powerful Saturday: three hours of housework from 9AM-12PM and then revisions for the rest of the day.

But those three hours of housework took a lot longer than three hours. It was like I was moving in slow motion, wading through minor task after minor task. By the end of my chores it was almost dinner time and my feet were sore from standing.

So, I decided, I’ll just write Saturday off as a housework day and then I’ll use Sunday to crack through the rest of my revisions.

A sick Sunday

Of course, things did not go according to plan. I spent all of Sunday, yesterday, sick in bed.

I’m having fewer and fewer sick spells, thank goodness, and yesterday’s edition was fairly mild (no vomiting, yay!). But still, it was clear I needed the day to rest, so I did. I’m trying to actively listen to my body as much as possible lately. Ignoring it has gotten me into trouble in the past!

So, that brings me to today: Monday.

I’m starting work from bed and setting myself modest goals for the day, but revisions are vital. I have to get this ending right.

My ending felt forced

Dear Blue‘s ending all hinges on a conversation, a confrontation, that’s been years in the making between my protagonist and someone from his past.

This scene is essentially a stand-in conversation that I never got to have with someone in my own life. It’s too late for me, but I wanted to get that closure through Jay, my main character.

It was really freaking hard to put myself through writing that scene. It was something I was building up to for a long time in therapy and I had to have a few really tough conversations before I could finally put pen to paper.

Unfortunately, it didn’t ring true when I re-read it. At the time I thought I had done well. My character said everything he needed to say.

But I see two problems with it now:

1. The setting doesn’t work and
2. The other character doesn’t fight back in a realistic way.

So… I have some work to do. Because this scene is absolutely pivotal.

I'm a notorious underestimater of how long something will take

I desperately need to get through these revisions. Time is truly running out.

I have beta-readers just waiting for me to put that final full stop on this draft and I have a million other pre-publication things to do and research. But I can’t even go near other admin tasks until the book is in good shape.

So, with that in mind, I’m going to call it here and go get to work.

With any luck, next week’s blog will be titled something like ‘My book is finally with beta-readers‘. Fingers crossed!

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